


I am

by AvidFanfictionReader



Series: DreamSMP Drabbles [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Dream is trying okay, GeorgeNotFound Visits Clay | Dream in Prison (Video Blogging RPF), God Complex, M/M, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap Visits Clay | Dream in Prison (Video Blogging RPF), there is very slight Sapnap/Karl but it's really just about learning to love again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:41:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29894391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvidFanfictionReader/pseuds/AvidFanfictionReader
Summary: Dream is God...until he looks at George and finds himself trembling.orDream tries to feel but deals with a god complex instead
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: DreamSMP Drabbles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193003
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	I am

He’s seething with undeniable anger that morphs across his entire body and leaves him breathless and alive all in one foul swoop. No one has any right to question him, not when he can strike them all down and leave them bleeding in ditches for days on loop. Not when he has everything he can possibly want in the palm of his hand and coursing at the tips of his fingers waiting at a moments notice. Not when he’s…….but he’s not anything now is he? Surely not the wrathful God that once had people cowering in fear and slaving away for him at his command. He’s just a lonely man trapped in a cell meant for vengeful cowards and angry fools; meant to keep him here for as long as necessary with the obsidian walls doused in netherite. Even if he could get out of here, he can’t, because at the end of the day the only person keeping him here is himself. Because he’s a monster, a rabid creature meant to kill and tear any flesh he lays his eyes open. So he needs to stay here, for his sake and for-

“Dream?” There’s a lick of guilt clouding his judgement, that makes him turn around, away from the prying eyes that he knows is searching for something, something that he can't give him yet or ever. 

Silence wraps around the two bodies in heat waves, scratching the surface of their souls and melting whatever sort of reprise they had previously. George doesn't say anything else to him and it leaves him reeling on the fact. It didn't matter how many times Dream has replayed this same situation for George, because George had always called out a second time and a third and a fourth. Till Dream has no choice but to answer in hateful rage lacing his words and agony filled breaths. He looks over at the clock hanging precariously on his wall, ticking away the seconds and minutes without any remorse; counting how long George stays there in the absence of sound. 

The clock is gorgeous in its own way; brilliantly crafted with gold outlining the inner workings and shimmering even when there is no light source. It’s quiet though, leaving only Dream’s thoughts to count down and fill the noise. It’s okay, he’s used to it by now and he isnt mad, not when it’s the only thing truly keeping him sane at this point. Whatever definition of sanity Dream still has anyways; because he’s sure normal people- he’s not normal he’s a God and he should- don’t foam at the mouth when other’s _disobey _them.__

__Head craning sideways, finally ready to face his greatest failure, there’s nobody but himself. He laughs loudly without worry, shoulders shaking with the noise coming from his stomach and sternum. Bouncing of the walls in delicious retributions and remorse as his head fall’s back to enunciate the laughter emanating from his mouth. Hair tickles his shoulders in doing so, whispering soothing noise as it sweeps across his ears and blends into the rest one strand at a time. Delirium is a wonderful euphoric feeling when trapped alone with nothing but grim thoughts of demise and defeat swarming in your head and claiming you. Staying like that for hours is something Dream does, even when Sam has yelled at him to knock it off on numerous occasions and threatened to end his very life. Dream has no concern for whether or not Sam will follow through on his empty promises, because Dream would just keep coming back over and over again. It’s his curse and that’s why he must laugh. Laugh to ease the deperations and despair blossoming where the pit of his heart should be but isn't, because he’s lost that years ago. Black emptiness is what comprises Dream's love, compassion, and empathy now, twirling itself wound tight through his veins and arteries. Making sure it cannot be removed without sacrifice and Dream has learned better than to give when there is no absolute permanence and safety in such deals. It’s what made him lose his heart the first time around and it surely won't come back the second. After what feels like ages of laughter naught of joy, Dream has no trouble nor hesitation in dipping into the dirty old mattress making up his bed. A mockery of what he is and what sort of blood runs through his body, yet he doesn't think about it this night, does not have the ability to do so anymore with Goerge changing his tune._ _

__Sapnap stands before his cell that morning, shoulders slightly hunched and face erased of any sort of happiness. Smiling is no longer an option for Sapnap and even the ghost of one is hard to come by because Dream has ruined him just like he’s ruined everyone else. Pain flares up at the thought and grows when black eyes make contact with green. Friends are something Dream has never really dabbled in or cared much of but standing before Sapnap makes him think different. If Dream knew what friends were and what they truly meant, he’d say Sapnap was his friend, his only friend, no matter the ignorance that would undoubtedly seep into the words as they make their way out of his mouth._ _

__There’s a sound of shuffling and a cough, “George visited yesterday…” A lack of reply makes itself apparent because Dream has no idea what to say to that, what could make the cautiousness leave Sapnap’s hands as they shake violently. Knowing he has to at least say something, a grunt escapes the bottom of his throat, it’s good enough for Dream, he hasn’t completely lost himself. Though the thought is dashed when a small flinch crosses Sapnap’s facial features, eyes darting away to look at the clock. “Ya know.. I don't know what I was expecting.” The man gives a breathless sigh wrapped up as a laugh and jostles his shoulders in an attempt to collect himself. “I don't even know what I’m doing here. You hardly talk. It’s a fat chance you’re gonna start now just because George has decided to stop visiting-”_ _

__“what.” The word tears itself from the deepest part of Dream before he can stop it, lighting aflame his body._ _

__The two of them stare at eachother once again, though Sapnap’s eyes are as wide as saucers, unable to comprehend the animalistic noise that came out of Dream’s mouth. “I...i- well..” Words jumble and sway as Sapnap tries to explain, put to words what’s going on with George. “You wouldn't talk to him Dream- hell! Wouldn't talk to me! You just mumble to that clock all day long and lose your mind on some! What did you expect? That’d we’d visit forever and patiently wait for answers? It’s been months Dream; months and no word...except now.” Truth is a heavy hand, one that holds no bounds and slashes mercilessly across Dream’s figure. There’s an irony to their postures now. Because Sapnap grows tall as his shoulders set in place, whilst Dreams folds in on himself to hide the pain aching in his chest, cowering just like Sapnap had done. “He's tired, Dream and so am I. We’re both so ungodly tired that even thinking of visiting you makes us want to go into a coma. George isn’t coming back, he just isn’t. I don’t know if I even will after this. I started picking up the pieces you’ve left me with, started to glue them together in some wild attempt for normalcy I was never granted because of you. Karl is helping me.” Dream is not surprised by the news in the least, if anything, he’s surprised it took this long. Sapnap does not have to say it out loud for Dream to know that Sapnap has fallen so in love he’s starting to heal. A bitter feeling rises and then so does envy soon after, building up and sending shocks of electricity through Dream’s tense shoulders and neck._ _

__Why can’t Dream have that? Why can’t Dream heal his wounds and nonexistent heart through the fickleness of love? Why can’t he have it? Why why why why- Because Dream’s has derelicted everything in his path like the godforsaken monstrosity that makes him who he is. Because Dream is no God any longer. Despite the power he holds thrumming below the very surface of his skin. Instead Dream is a force of terror and death, akin to the spirit of Whiro or the bloodbath that Ares has been known to create on his rampages. He turns and whispers, “I- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry…” Repeated over and over again until Sapnap’s facial features contort in concern. “Please forgive me. Please just forgive me. I’m sorry. I- I can’t-” Hands fly to his eyes and he’s so sure there’s tears streaming down his face at this very moment because a sob and two make their way out. It’s ugly and _volatile _because he can’t stop himself anymore. Screaming at everything and nobody just to ease the pressure that’s been building in his chest for a long time. He must seem crazy to Sapnap, who’s already made quick work of stepping backwards and calling for Sam. Ringing blesses his ears, shutting out everything, even the sound of his own voice. There is nothing anymore besides a haziness blurring his brain and the quiet confusian trampling along.___ _

____“Dream?” There’s a clinging of metal and softer shouts, questions hanging in the air like a death wish. “Dream?!” His knees hit the ground harshly and it almost causes him to wince but he’s so infused with the despair coming out in violent waves he can’t find the energy to twist his features._ _ _ _

____He wakes up alone. Nothing but the silent companionship of the clock to greet him. He doesn’t feel anything. Gods do not feel and Dream is a God. He’s going to prove it to them… all of them. He has the power to make them crumble and beg; has the power to resurrect the very dead and take from the living._ _ _ _

____But he sees George approach his eternal damnation and loops. No matter what, not even with the lack of heart, he can’t stop loving George and trying and- and _feeling _. Dream finds himself back at square one; restarting from the very beginning of this madness. This is his punishment; and the only one to blame is himself. This is his choosing.___ _ _ _

______“Dream?”_ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
